Reflections on Awakening Curiosity on Death and Remembrance

Such a joy to speak at the Unitarian Church of Annapolis this Sunday. Rev. John Crestwell leads a thriving and inspiring congregation that’s making an impact. I appreciated their hospitality and warm welcome! 💕

While there, I offered a few reflection questions grounded in self-leadership and self-care…

(𝟏) What might we do today to be the type of person we want to be remembered for?

(𝟐) What decisions can we make now that impact our relationships tomorrow?

(𝟑) “When you’re born, you look like your parents. When you die, you look like your decisions.” How might we make decisions that bless ourselves and this world in which we are a part?

(𝟒) What do you want to fight for, even if you may not get the outcome you want? Even if you might not see the outcome in your lifetime…?

And a few reminders…

(𝟏) There is connection, a sacred alignment between pursuing goals, living a life well lived, and being remembered in the way we want to be remembered.

(𝟐) The energy from pain, disappointment, and trauma can be transmuted into something beautiful and healing. How you react and how you perceive, changes everything.

(𝟑) You can have it all, just not at the same time.

(𝟒) “Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons.” - Michael Jackson 

Below is an excerpt of the talk:

My mother turned 82nd this week. I visited her at her assisted living senior home. When I found her, she was drawing in a picture of spring flowers from a page torn out of a coloring book. She had a Happy Birthday balloon on her chair. When she looked up at me, she smiled and did what she always does – she calls the caretakers around and says, “Look, this is my Daughter! She’s visiting me. This is my daughter.”

My mother has lived with dementia for the past 8 years, 5 of those years in the memory unit and an Assisted Living Facility. BEFORE the facility, she was at home. But she started to leave the house at night and wandered outside. When I couldn’t find her or coax her back in - used to call the police to help me bring her back home. Perhaps on the 4th or 5th time, the police officer said to me, “Next time I have to get your mom, I’m not bringing her back.”

What did he mean by that? 

I didn’t want to find out. It scared me to my core. Why was he being so mean about it? Why did he think it was OK to say this to me?

After 82 years, my mother has lived a long life. Every time her caretakers call me to let me know something or ask me a question, I always look at my phone an extra second before picking up. Is this going to be a normal call or is this going to be THE call.

As they say, tomorrow is never promised and each day is a blessing.

When I look at my Mother, I remember her love and support. I remember how ambitious and kind she is. I remember how grateful I am to be her daughter. I remember her taking my brother and I with her to work on Saturday mornings because she didn’t want to leave us at home alone. She worked at a hospital and left us in the staff lounge for hours. It wasn’t bad, I promise! They had a TV and trays and trays of finger food, snacks, and drinks.

I remember how she missed many of my school events because she was working. I’d look into the crowd and see our housekeeper or a relative. Rarely would I see my parents.

I remember getting ALL the gifts on my Christmas list each year because I think she could never give me ALL of her time.

There’s a saying that you can have it all…just not at the same time.

I remember all of these things about my mother and about how I grew up. I wonder if my mother were to look back at her life…would she be remember the way the wants to be remembered?

If she could go back in time, what might she do differently to be remembered the way she hoped for?...

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🪻With 20+ years in organization development and overseeing learning strategy, I welcome opportunities to develop leaders, teach in higherEd, and serve as a keynote speaker. 

DM me, I’d love to connect with you 💕